I had not written anything since so long.
On a recent afternoon I had a brainstorm for writing an article.
The sentence which illuminated my mind was “Can we have it all?“
I thought we as humans are so desirous. We wish to do everything that too immaculate.
Like now if I see myself I am an avid cook. Apart from that I want to keep my home undefiled, play with my daughter, chitchat with my friends and my family, watch some movie and also want to go out seldom but still. Then I also wish to do something in my life like pursuing my career. After I recovered from delivery of the baby, I often found myself wondering on how to manage it all.
One day I sat and pondered upon it.
I wondered seriously: Do people who have or maintain it all exist on earth? And then I thought, even if there are such people, do I really want to be like them? Do I actually want to have it all? Would I be happy with it?
And if there are no such people, how can I have it all. I am not unique; I am like any other person on earth. Then to answer my questions, I imagined myself sitting in the workplace and pursuing my career and my daughter being with someone else at home.I thought I wouldn’t be happy leaving my daughter with anyone. I cannot be happy because I don’t believe I can place credence on her being with anyone for now, till she reaches a certain age that she is obliged to go out of home. I would have begrudged her care taker whoever it had been.
My mother used to tell me during my adolescent phase, that you girls will live a more baffling life, you will have to prioritize: work or family. At that time, I was heedless of her conviction, and so rebuffed it. Now, after a baby I could reminisce about the stimulating conversation I had with my mother.
To explicate clearly, I think it is plainly just a matter of not being contrite about what you chose and enjoy what comes with it.
It’s not like; I am such a great woman or too affectionate or loving mother that I have sacrificed my career for her. I have my own reasons for it.
First and foremost as a human-being, I am trying to make myself happy. I am caressing her because I have insatiable greed to be with her always. But, after she grows up, I won’t have any alibi for making to myself to not let her go away from me for at least few hours a day. I want to enjoy her companionship as a kid. I want to take her in my embrace every now and then. I want to cuddle her. I want to see her guffaw at my strange acts for whole day. I want to run behind her. I don’t want to be deprived of cherishing her childhood days.
Obviously there are times when she becomes grouchy and shrieks and irks me. At those moments I consider her father to be lucky as he doesn’t has to bear her wanton behavior whole day. But I never consider him unlucky for missing so many affectionate moments which I enjoy with her daily. This is how we humans are; taking things for granted so much.
I wrote the topic as ‘Can we have it all?’. But I am being flashy about the situation of a mother. Women always have leverage to gain the sympathy; however, I want to elucidate the fact that even men as fathers, at least, don’t have it all.
It is incumbent on men to go out and earn the living. They cannot opt for an alternative lifestyle of being at home and taking care of the child. Even if someone is willing to opt for it, and also his spouse has no problem in going out and working, still he cannot. By virtue of being belittled by people around; the neighbors may accuse him for being carefree. No matter how gingerly he could have raised the child, which could have been far better than the care mother might have provided. Indeed, no option, no confusion for men: but, it doesn’t mean they have it all.
Secondly, I have decided being with her and taking care of her for now is of paramount importance to me. I have overcome the fear of job, career or anything else which will happen as an aftermath. I have rather deterred the plan of considering all that for now. As I want to give my best efforts for her. I felt an urge to invest in her early childhood years for her future well-being. I don’t want to give half heartedly her anything. Admittedly, on the contrary, I don’t give all my time to her when I am free, at that time I wish to do something else. If I had been working, I would have tried to be even-handed towards work and my daughter. At a time, I might have been biased towards one aspect and ended up not getting desired results in another aspect; thereby accusing the people around me without understanding that I have not given full-fledged efforts.
Thirdly, If somebody else had taken care of her, they would have cared in their own way, which may not have been acceptable to me as whole. And it is unjust to expect too much from someone who is actually doing a favor to you or helping you out.
After intruding, the answer came no I don’t want to have it all. This constant questioning elucidated me that, I rather should not wish to have it all. May be because I won’t become happy or wait a minute I won’t be happy anymore as if I see now I am happy as I am. Or maybe I am not meant to be in such a position and therefore I am not.
If I am happy doing what I do then why I am thinking all this?
As usual I am apprehensive about the future. What will happen when my daughter will grow older? Then I won’t need to make efforts to tidy up my home. She won’t have much time to spend with me, which is yet another fearful apprehension I have.
May be after few years from now, the domain of the things I want to do will taper off and I would be able to manage it all.
Featured image from Pixabay.